Zoom in On My Unhappiness
by MarksScarf81
Summary: Its set after the events of Rent and centers around Mark and Roger discovering new found feelings for eachother. For now the rating is Teen. This is MarkRoger SLASH. Warning: Character death.


Zoom in On my Unhappiness

Mark strolled down the street with his camera in hand filming random people on the streets. His latest project was about his home: New York. He read about a contest offering five hundred dollars for the best documentary about any part of New York. His own street was the last he needed to film in order to finish his masterpiece.

"This is where I live. I know it isn't much, but its better than where I used to live", Mark narated. "My family still lives there...fuck, that sounded lame." Mark turns off his camera and stomps back up to the loft. It had been a month since his last greatest masterpeice.

As Mark stepped into his musty apartment he spots Roger layed out on the couch reading a guitar magazine. Mark smirks and goes over to snatch it away. Roger glares at Mark a second while Mark taunts Roger with the magazine. Roger reaches over for his magazine and Mark pulls it away from him. Roger reaches for it and Mark puts it over his head. Roger gets up to grab for the magazine and Mark runs away from him and accidently trips over a cord and falls on his face.

Roger bends over and snags the magazine from Mark's hand. He laughs and walks back over to the couch, plops down and begins reading his magazine again, ignoring Mark's cursing.

"We need to go out and do something," Mark whined. He had been blocked on his recent documentary and Roger has been upset over Mimi dumping him and moving away. Mark had been trying to pursuade Roger to get off of his butt so they could go out. So far all of his plans have failed. Roger laughing was a sign his plans were working at least. Roger hasn't laughed in a while.

"I don't want to go out, Mark. I just wanna stay right here and read my magazine." Roger says staring blankly at his magazine.

"You've been reading the same page for a week now." Mark says as he gets up off of the floor and goes to sit next to his best friend. He leans his head on Roger's shoulder and pouts. "Come on, man. Don't you wonder what real people are up to?"

Roger moves away from Mark and shakes his head. "Not really, besides, its not like I can't watch real people here." Roget says and points at the television. "They sometimes show real people in that thing you know."

"What fun is it to watch people on tv when you can you know, interact with real live people in a real live setting. Some people call it liveing. Isn't that an interesting concept?"

Roger ingores Mark's rambling and continue to looks blankly at his magazine. Mark gets up and walks over to his jacket and scarf. He glares at Roger and shakes his head. He slips his jacket on and with a floruish, puts his scarf on around his neck.

Minutes later, Mark found himself at the Life Cafe. He had ordered himself a cup of coffee. He felt like the caffine would make him feel better. So far it just made him jittery. He ordered himself a croisant and starts ripping it aprt once he got it; eating a bit of it with a sip of coffee. He really didn't know what to do with Roger. His melancholiness was really getting to Mark. He had to snap him out of it somehow.

Mark watched as a couple entered the cafe. They were a couple of young guys. One with short hair and the other with longish hair. Mark smiles some thinking that they looked like him and Roger. He blushes some as he watches them kiss at their booth. He looks away, pretending he hadn't just watched them.

He actually thought about kissing Roger many times. He was just too chicken to put the moves on his friend. There were so many ideas rolling around about how they'd kiss and then make love. He knew he couldn't bring himself to do it unless Roger felt the same way too.

Mark took his last sip of coffee and sighs to himself. Mark was tired of feeling sorry for himself and feeling lonely. He gets up and walks out of the cafe and heads back towards the loft.

Mark walks back into the loft to find Roger was no longer looking at his magazine and had the phone clutched in his hand, blaring a busy signal. Mark walks over and hangs up the phone. Mark places a hand on Roger and shakes him. Roger looks up at Mark and starts crying.

"What's wrong?" Mark asks and sits next to him. He places a hand on Roger's shoulder. "Tell me."

Roger wipes his tears away and looks in back of Mark, like he wasn't there, but he knew he was. "Its...

Mimi...she...died" Roger colapses into Mark's arms. Mark hugs his friend and holds him tightly. Mark absently kisses Roger's cheek. Roger pulls away looking warily into his friend's eyes.

"What was that?..."

"A...uh, kiss...I wasn't thinking...sorry." Mark was blushing and felt very confused and embarassed. He didn't know how he should be acting. He hadn't kissed Roger when April killed herself. He had wanted to, but Roger hadn't wanted anyone around him when he found her dead. This was completely different.

"I know what you did, but I don't know why. I am not gay you know. I didn't think you were either."

"Hey now, I didn't say I was...I just...I don't know what you're going through right now...I just...I was sick of you being so sad...and now this. I want you to be happy again."

"So you thought kissing me would make me happy? That's a pretty fucked up way to make me--a heterosexual male--happy. Don't you think?"

"Yeah I get that...look, I'll just leave you alone if that would be better. I know that's what makes you happy. Being alone."

"No, that's what makes you happy. You love loneliness because its better for your art."

"Don't start that shit again!"

"But its the fuckig truth Mark!"

"Whatever. Look, I'll just go."

"Of course. Because being here with me will make it harder for you to deal with your homoerotic feelings for me, right?" Mark doesn't reply and storms out of the loft, slamming the door.

Roger frowns as Mark leaves. He hated yelling at Mark, but sometimes the fucker just brings out his worst side. He didn't really mind the kiss, he just wasn't expecting it and he blew up. The last thing he had wanted was to hear from Mimi's mother telling him she died last night. It was the worst news since he and his friends lost Angel. Roger starts to cry as he lays down and slowly drifts off to sleep.

Hours passed when Roger finally woke up. He rubs his eyes and gets up from the couch. He looks sadly around the loft. His eyes rest on Mark's camera. He sighs to himself and walks over to it just as a knock came from the door. Roger frowns as he walks towards the unwanted visiter. He hoped it was Benny so he could tell him the bad news about Mimi. He was in a rotten mood and would love to see the look on his face when he found out about her.

He slides open the door to find the face of his dead lover, Mimi. Mimi puts her arms around Roger who is crying at this point and kisses him. Roger pulls away and looks her in the face.

"Your mom told me you died," Roger said with a quavering voice.

"Roger, sweety, you're dreaming." Mimi said with a wink.

"What? No, this is too real."

"Afraid not...so wake up!"

"Why should I?"

"Roger, wake up!"

Roger's eyes flutter open. He scowls at hearing a bang at the door. He gets up and walks over to the door and slides it open. It wasn't Mimi this time, just his friend, Tom Collins. It was bittersweet to see him lately.

"Oh, hi." Roger said sadly and steped aside for his friend to come inside.

"Hey..." Tom said. "Do you know where Mark's at?"

"No, he left all huffy after we fought. Why?"

"I wasn't really asking if you knew. I know where he's at. He's at the Life Cafe with Maureen ranting about you. Apparently he kissed you? Is that true?"

"Yeah."

"He said you over reacted."

"I am not gay, Tom."

"I wasn't saying you were. He's really upset man. I think you should talk to him. He's really confused."

"Why can't you? I have work to do."

"Its not my place to. He loves you you know."

Roger glares at Tom for a while before answering him. "And? What am I supposed to do with that information? I don't love him...not in that way."

"Whether or not that you love him in a friendly way or more or whatever, he needs your support. My friends were great to me when I told them I was gay."

"Yeah, I know." Roger sighed and sat down and stared up at Tom. "I...I really care about him you know. I just don't...I don't want to get invested just to get my heart broken again."

"You need to remember to forget regret man. Its the only way you're going to be happy again. Mimi dying isn't an excuse to stop living."

Roger sighed again and nods. "Yeah, I know...but--"

"But what? We're going to the cafe and you're going to talk to him, so come on. Let's go."

Moments later Tom and Roger walked into the Life Cafe. Mark and Maureen were sitting at a table by a window in the corner. Maureen caught sight of Roger comming and she got up and punched his shoulder.

"Take care of him for me." Maureen whispered into his ear. Roger nodded and sat down across from Mark.

"Hey..." Roger said. Mark had reddened eyes. He had clearly been crying the whole time. "I am sorry..."

Mark sat there, not really looking or listening to Roger.

"I know I reacted...well it wasn't good. I care about you, I just don't know if I have the same feelings--"

"You don't think you love me you mean?" Mark said and glares at Roger for a while.

"Yeah. Look, I'll be here for you...support you and all of that."

"Don't do it because you feel sorry for me. Do it because you want to. I shouldn't be a fucking obligation."

"I would do it because I want to...look lets just get back home, okay? Its lonely there." Roger's face got really red and he looked down at the floor. He was so confused by his feelings towards Mark. Could it be love? Nah. Roger was all about the ladies. He was fucking rocker man, not a...not gay.

"I don't want to go home just yet."

"Why not?"

"I think you love me like I love you and I just want you to admit it."

"Why the hell should I do that for?"

"Your blushing for crying out loud!"

"Fine, Mark, I love you. I just...I just don't..."

"You just don't want to get hurt?" Mark finnished for him.

"Yeah. Exactly."

"Well this is all new to me too. I think we can make it work Roger. I really do. We've been friends for a long time now."

"Maybe...Lets just take it slow, okay?"

Mark nods. "Alright." Mark gets up, slips on his jacket and slings his scarf around his neck. Roger couldn't help but be turned on by the action. Roger grins, gets up and leans over to Mark. He pulls Mark's scarf, pulling Mark along with and kissed him passionetly on the lips. Mark kissed Roger back with Life Cafe customers gaping in awe. Some clapped. Roger and Mark pulled away from eachother and laughed as they left the cafe.

It has been a week since Mark and Roger had their first kiss and they had decided to hide that fact from their friends. Only person that knew of their kiss was Collins. He had after all urged Roger to go to Mark.

Roger and Mark sat beside one another at the Life Cafe sharing a basket of fries. Beneath the table Mark's foot was resting on Roger's and rubbing his leg. Roger smirked and winked at Mark. A gust of cold air greeted the patrons of the cafe as Maureen struted in. She spotted Mark and Roger right away and danced her way towards them. Mark heard her singing at the top of her lungs, and quickly retracted his foot; bumping the table in the process. Roger's soda spilled on him.

"Sorry about that." Mark said sheepishly. Roger shruged just as Maureen came to their table.

"Wow, you two are out together? So glad. So I am having a little show this Friday. I want you two to be there."

"Uh, well, we were gonna stay in." Mark said.

"Oh come on, what are you gonna do? Watch movies? C'mon you know you'd rather see some live theater!"

"Maureen, honey, every day with you is live theater." Mark said with a laugh. "We love you, but we want to have some alone time, okay?"

"Whatever. You know you want to see me, you always used to anyways."

"Its not that we don't want to, we just...well...want to be alone." Roger said with a shrug. He turned to Mark and smirked. "Ya know I don't think we're getting through to her." Mark nodded, leaned over the table and kissed Roger passionetly.

Maureen rolls her eyes. "Look, if you didn't want to come, you don't need to pretend to be gay just for my sake."

Mark chuckled. "We're not faking it, we have just recently discovered we're into one another. It's been amazing. I totally get where you were coming from before. Liking someone of the same sex I mean. Roger's amazing."

Roger blushed and nodded. "Yeah well Mark's amazing too." Mark grined and looked to Maureen who looked to be in shock.

"So, um, who else knows about you two?" Maureen asked, her voice had a hint of excitement in it.

"Just you." Mark started and then Roger cleared his throat. "Oh, and Tom."

Maureen giggled and clapped her hands. "I am so happy for you two. I always wanted nothing but happiness for you two." She stops and looked at Roger. "No offence to Mimi and all, but you two had a lot of drama...have you heard from her since she moved?"

Roger's eyes that were full of life and happy one minute grew solemn and sad the next. He looked down at his feet, but finally spoke. "She died. Her mom called me last week..."

"I am so sorry."

"Thanks." Roger said. He looks up again and smiles some. "So yeah, its been a kind of a weird couple of weeks for me."

Mark didn't know how to take Roger's use of the word _weird,_ so he pushed it from his mind for now. He just smiled.

Maureen stood there quiet for a while and then finally shrugged. "Well, I'll see you guys later." Mark and Roger nodded as Maureen left the two men in an akward silence.

An hour later back at the loft Mark and Roger sat making out on the couch. Mark and Roger's jackets and scarves were strewn about on the floor. Roger's hand was stroking Mark's upper arm as he pulled Mark close towards him. Mark's tounge danced with Roger's as their passion for eachother grew. Roger finally stopped and looked at Mark. Mark smiled some at his boyfriend.

"Why'd we stop?" Mark asked. He hadn't had such a great time making out with someone like that. Roger shrugged and looked down out the window and then back at Mark.

"I just think we're moving kind of fast. Plus running into Maureen like that..." Roger shook his head in confusion.

"Its not like she was your ex. It was bizare though." Mark said with a nod.

"Exactly. Think we're crazy to be doing this?"

"No. Why do you? I really want to see where we're going with this." Mark stopped himself and looked up at Roger. "I mean...y'know I really like this and I know you like it. You do like it don't you?" Roger nodded. "Then why did you stop? I mean...if we have sex we'll be careful."

"I know we're be careful, but its...it feels too soon for right now. Okay?"

Mark nods. "Alright. We can uh...we can just sit here in comfortable silence with eachother."

Roger cocks and eyebrow at Mark's suggestion. "Alright." Roger leans back on the couch and just sits there. Mark smiles and sits back and leans his head on Roger's shoulder. He snuggles close to Roger who puts his arm around Mark and squeezes him tightly. Roger smiles and kisses the top of Mark's head. Mark yawns and slowly nods off in Roger's embrace. Roger looks down at sleepy Mark, slips off his glasses, and places them on the table next to him. He smiles some and slowly starts to nod off too.


End file.
